Milisims

So yesterday MIL kept me on the phone for a very long time telling me I needed to take the kids to see a dr because they have runny noses. She told me that FIL had a stinky pussy discharge from his ear for years and did nothing about it and now he is deaf in that ear. And because of that I need to make sure that my kids don't have an infection. And that they needed some kind of written asthma plan. 

I have an asthma action plan. I am quite sure that their asthma is considered controlled and mild. Right now I have allergys so its pretty normal that they do too. 

She also told me that I "don't know everything" That she knows all these things from experience and from other mothers.  She didn't mean it in the way it sounds but it is still annoying and keeps repeating in my head. 

I want to get this out so I can be around her this weekend and not be super annoyed by her because I know that we are going to end up doing something. 

It would be a lot easier if she would not try to give me every piece of advice that she has ever heard. 

Therapy

So yesterday I had a therapy session and the therapist asked me why I can't cry. Because I cry every time I go to her office. I hate it. I told her how private I am. And then I told her how my mom would keep doing what ever it was she was doing until she made you cry and then she was happy. I had several small breakthroughs. I don't like talking about those things because they bring up feelings that I don't need to remember but if it helps me to be happy I am willing to go there. 

I feel so cliche. Everything I say and do in there and how I feel. I bet therapists get so sick of hearing the exact same thing. 

"I dont want you to think bad of my parents/mate"  

All of it. 

Its awkward for me so I am going to call my therapist Nancy from now on. 

Nancy did say she thinks I am "hyper vigilant" with my emotions. I am not sure what that means.

I am excited to be in therapy. I want to get better so much. I am willing to do anything. And the short period of time I was not depressed I had a friend who was basically being my therapist. 

At this moment I wish I were someone else but I am working on that. 

I also understand better why I cannot handle criticism. 

We had to have the house perfectly clean and one time when I cleaned my moms bathroom I missed a leaf from a plant. She said that all the work I did was for nothing because I had miss that one tiny thing. So when someone says you did great except for this one thing I hear so your work means nothing. 

I knew that was how I felt but now I understand it better.

I know this post is crazy but you should be in here with me.