Update

I took the kids to the park this after noon and I feel a lot better now

I think I was living too much in my head

Because I was living in the moment with them sliding down slides and pushing swings and my smile came back

But I have a feeling that we will be changing my meds again when I go back to the Dr

I hope we do because I am not sleeping at all

I think the wellbutrin is not helping with that

I am going to sleep good tonight though

I am exhausted and I am going to take an ambien

complaining

I am so depressed today

I don't know how I am going to make it through the weekend

I am so depressed i feel physically sick

All I want to do is eat every thing in the house and sleep

I am not sleeping at night and its really getting to me.

I used to think I was a positive person

But I'm not

I realized this since starting CBT

It is a little hard to realize you are not who you think you are

Complaining

I feel strange today

Taking wellbutrin has really helped me but today I had to kill a rat

And I love all furry little creatures

Even rats

So now I am sad

I wanted to keep one as a pet but Sean said "Hell no you cant keep that shit"

Not that I really would have

Also I am scared that I am having an unacceptable side effect 

And I feel dizzy

My BP is odd for me

Still considered normal but odd for me

Its always been 120/70 ish

but right now its 110/70

I think thats why I am dizzy

I just had a really off day today
But tomorrow will be  better

Reasons I love that man

I love that man because yesterday I had a mild panic attack and he held me and then gave me a really good massage with oil and everything

And because he made me laugh all weekend

For example today I went to him and asked him if he wanted to dance with me
(it was out of the blue and there was no music)
He threw something in the trash and then started dancing and saying "Ooga chacka Ooga chocka"
He made my day
I really love him

The Hockey Game

Well we had fun at the hockey game

I did get to eat a hot dog 

 I didn't get to chant "bull shit"

But I did chant "Fight Fight"

And there were 2 really good fights
We were on the 10th row so we were right on the glass

There was a Granny on the first row and when the players would slam into the glass she would jump up and bang on the glass

It was great

The guy I sat next to looked like Chef Curtis from Take Home Chef

I screamed myself horse

I think I was on the big screen in the background at one point but I really hope it wasn't me because that woman was fat and really red faced

Today I am not going to get out of bed

I am super tired, I have a headache, and my back hurts

Well this is day one of my date weekend and its pretty awesome so far

I slept until almost 9 and then I was able to get up and drink my coffee instead of having to deal with 2 crying hungry babies and 2 dirty diapers and most likely poop

But I am feeling sad

I think I just miss them (even though I have to clean up poop constantly)

But I am going to focus on the weekend I am going to have

I am not going to wallow I am going to be happy

We are going to a hockey game tonight and I am looking forward to chanting "Bull Shit" and eating hot dogs

It doesn't take much to make me happy

I am posting that because it made me laugh

I love the office

200th post

I have been trying to think of something awesome to post for my 200th post but its not going to happen. I got nothing. So I am just going to tell you how Louie says thank you now. He says "Ank Ooo" I die just a little bit every time. Its so cute.

I have a special Carmen post coming up AND I have a mommy, daddy weekend this coming weekend. I am so excited about our weekend. We are going to go to a hockey game and go out to eat a few times. Just us. Its so exciting for me. And I am going to clean the house, and its going to stay that way.  I should probably delete that because I think I've said it before but I don't care. This is exciting stuff. Sean and I get to spend a whole weekend together BY OUR SELVES. 

Also I am a huge nerd. I am playing legend of Zelda spirit tracks. Its pretty fun.

I can't believe theres been 200 of these meaningless posts. And that I have followers. 

Oh well I have had fun with this and plan to continue doing so.

Love 

October 6 2011 Thursday

Today did not start well

Its 9:43 am and if I could call it a day, I would

I didn't sleep good last night and then when I got the kids up today they were both sick

Both of them were wheezing

I may have had a small panic attack

It's just that we don't have insurance and its not like we have a couple thousand sitting in the bank for an ER visit

But I got them up and gave them medicine and breathing treatments and now they are doing a lot better

Louie is acting completely normal

He just has a cough

And Carmen is acting like she feels better than she did yesterday

so we are going to be ok

But I really wish we had insurance

I called our Dr office and they do let you work out payment arrangements

Which is good because Carmen turns 3 in less than 2 weeks so she needs to go for a checkup and possibly shots

I really wish I could just go to bed

Carmencita

Today Latte Junkie posted a challenge that I am accepting

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to grab a kid or two, and ask them the following questions

Kids with budding language skills
What’s your favorite color? (you can even ask them to point at picture cards)
Who is the best — Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck?
What’s your favorite TV show?
What’s your favorite food for breakfast? Lunch? Dinner?
Chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry? Which is the best ice cream?
What is your favorite toy?

More developed talkers
What do you want to do when you grow up?
Favorite holiday? What makes it best?
If you could live anywhere, where would move?
Who is your best friend? What do you like about him/her?
What toy would you buy for your best friend’s birthday?
What do you want for your own birthday?
What family rule do you think is the most unfair? Why?

Carmen's first interview

1. Whats your favorite color? 

2. Who is the best - Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck?

3. Whats your favorite Tv show?

4. Whats your favorite food for breakfast?

    Lunch?

    Dinner?

5. Chocolate, Vanilla, or strawberry? Which is your favorite ice cream?

6. What is your favorite toy?

I tried to do this interview with Carmen today but she is sick and told me to leave her alone. Which I found funny.

Oct 4 2011 Tuesday

I did really good focusing on the positive last week until Friday. Friday I started coming down with something. I am still fighting it but I know I am going to have a really good day today. My Aunt is coming to visit for a few hours. Probably I will get to run an errand or two that have been needing to be done and maybe we will go shopping. I am so tired but I am very happy my Aunt is coming and I can't wait to see her. 

In a couple of weeks she is going to take the kids for several days. Sean is going to take time off of work so we can have a 4 day weekend together. He got us tickets to a hockey game. I CAN"T WAIT! 

E.T.A. I was interrupted by a bathtub full of shit. Nothing brings me down like having to clean up shit. But its cleaned up and so are my babies. 

Also this is my 197 post.