Normal

We have been sick again

And I got it the worst

It turned into a sinus infection

Bleh

I am dealing with something that I don't want to talk about here

Its sucking everything out of me

Louis has been a real asshole lately

He has been refusing to pee in the potty

Hes great about pooing in the potty but he'd rather piss himself than pee in the potty

I ordered him a tiny urinal but it hasnt come in yet

I am going to take away his bike if he doesn't start peeing in the potty soon

Or give him away

Maybe I should send him to MILs house

At least I could secretly laugh about it then

Speaking of MIL

She was so tired this weekend

I felt bad for her

She has a lot going on right now and has spread herself too thin

I have been feeling low but I am trying to keep to my little routines 

Taking me time and gardening

Making time for spiritual things 

And sleep

I think those 3 things are my necessity's

 

Recovery

I am at a point in my recovery (from depression) where I am scared to move forward

I work really hard to feel better and it starts working but then I get scared that something is going to happen and I kind of give up and slide backwards

The major players in my depression are lack of sleep, feeling sorry for myself and, fear

Its almost like I am afraid to feel better because I know it wont last

That sucks

And its not true

I can feel better and it can last

But so far it hasn't

So its scary

But I will get past this

I just have to keep trying

Just a little every day

Source

Lasik

So yesterday I had lasik

It went great and today I have 20/15 vision

I wasn't scared at all until I got into the waiting room

I could hear the laser and it hit me that I was about to have surgery on my eye

I calmed myself down and was good to go

They finally took me in and then I started shivering

Anxiety

It was over in 10 minutes with only 18 seconds of actual surgery

They put these sexy goggles on me and told me I had to wear them till I woke up the next day

I was not in pain but it was extremely uncomfortable verging on pain

My sister dropped me off at home and I crawled into bed and pretty much didn't get out til this morning

When I got up this morning I could read

I could read the shampoo bottle from across the room

I put on my regular sunglasses and drove myself to my follow up appointment

I cried because I was wearing regular sunglasses and I could see perfectly

It was totally worth it

Even though I am going to have to get new eyeliners and mascara

And I can't wear eye makeup for a week

Today is the day

Today is the day

The surgery is scheduled for 10 am this morning

I AM SO EXCITED

But I am having a little anxiety

What if it doesn't work

What if something goes wrong

What if it hurts really bad

You know

Its worth the risk 

But I have anxiety

Yesterday I went to the dollar store to pick out regular sunglasses 

It was fun

I got 3 pair

I have everything ready

Meds

Sunglasses

Folder

I had a bad dream that was almost a nightmare that my sister was late picking me up

It woke me up

I am going to go do some relaxation exercises now

Exciting

Why you ask do I have a picture of an eye here?

Because I will be getting lasik!

I will not have to wear glasses after Thursday.

I AM SO EXCITED!

I have needed glasses for so long 

I am really looking forward to wearing regular sun glasses 

People will see my eye color and be able to see my makeup

I can't wait!

A few things

Wednesday at my therapy appointment "Nancy" said " I think you are doing every thing you can, so why are you not feeling better?"

I think I needed to hear that.

I have been feeling sorry for myself. I want someone to tell me what to do. I want to find a magic pill. 

But none of that is going to happen. I have to figure it out for myself and do it myself. I have been doing a lot of thinking. 

I slept really good last night. Louis came in once and that sucked but other than that I slept really good. I dreamed all night. 

Yesterday Sean gave me my anniversary present. 

It was an XBOX Kinect

And he got me a zumba game to go with it

WOOHOOO

I was completely surprised and very pleased with it.

I cant wait to try it out today

I am going to play zumba every day

And I want a singing game. I am not good at singing but I LOVE to sing.