My weekend

This weekend was pretty hard. I saw just how dysfunctional my family is. My mom and both of her sisters were there and my 2 cousins and my sister. There were catty comments and backstabbing. Everyone was picking on everyone else. And it was sad. 

My sister and I finally got to just talk. We never get to do that because someone is always wanting something or getting hurt in some way . . . something. We talked about our childhood. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about my childhood. It was not a nice time period. I get sad whenever I think about it. I have to remind myself that its over and no longer effects me. But still . . . .

I did enjoy getting to spend time with my grandmother. She is one of my favorite people. I love her so much. And I enjoyed spending time with my aunt and uncle. They have lived in the same small town their whole lives and never paid rent so they are a little strange but I still love them alot. Actually I love both of my aunts and like spending time with them. Just not together. Its better when my mom is not there either. One of my uncles and fine. I like spending time with him but my other uncle that was there, I do not like spending time with him. I caught him staring at my cleavage. It gives me the Heebee Geebees. Everyone I told just laughed. They thought is was so funny. Douchie but funny. I did not think it was funny.

Ok maybe it was a tiny bit funny. And he was nicer to me than he has been in years. My other uncle told me from now on I have to wear low cut shirts when we have family dinners so the other uncle will be nice to everyone. He likes talk out of his ass and has to one up everyone.

I guess the weekend its self was not that bad. Just thinking about my childhood was bad. I don't let myself dwell on it. I can't change it I can only move on. I did feel bad for my mom and her siblings because they are not close at all. I am so glad my sister and I are close, and nice to each other. I want my kids and their cousins to be close. 

I don't want to step on the scale again. I am afraid I gained 10 pounds. I did my best to not eat sweets but I still ate so much. I refused to take home every thing but some meat and a slice of pound cake. My grandmother is a master baker (hehe) and man it was wonderful. She made cookies, a pound cake, date bars, cinnamon raisin bread, and sourdough bread. I ate a bunch of everything. But it was worth it. 

A clean house

Today has been a really good day so far. It is SO nice that I am having good periods of every day. I asked Sean to take the kids to the park or something so I could be alone. I miss being alone from time to time. So he did and I cleaned the house from top to bottom while they were gone. Well almost, my steam cleaner broke so I didn't get the whole house mopped but it is still a million times better than it was. And it was nice to just clean and not be interrupted. And to sing along to my CD and not be told to stop.


Last night I dreamed that one of the sister wives from the tlc show was in labor and I was helping her. It was strange. I have been having a lot of strange dreams. But I like it because its entertaining.

Carmencita

This morning I kept getting a wiff of poo from the kids room.

I checked diapers and the floor

No sign of anything

Finally I checked the farthest corner and there it was

A huge turd

I told Carmen "that is a big turd" and she said "thank you"

We had a little talk about telling mommy if she poops anywhere but the potty

Made me laugh

Tired

I had a rough weekend. We had a kids party to go to and camping with Seans family. But Carmen and Louis were sick. We went to both anyway and Carmen's asthma flared up big time.  We ended up having to take her to an urgent care clinic to get some stronger steroids for her. She is fine now but it was really scary and I am exhausted. I was doing fine until late this afternoon. Sean sent me an email from his dad. And I do not take criticizim well. Not that he was really criticizing me. But I feel like my ILs are saying that I am not taking good enough care of her. They are not they are just expressing concern, But it makes me feel like a bad person.

And after 3 sleepless nights this week I am exhausted. I wish I could take a day off.   

Reasons I love that man

Last night after we put the kids to bed we got ready to go to bed ourselves

Sean asked where the remote was, I told him I hadn't touched it all day. So then he started looking on the floor. That's when I saw it in my dresser drawer. So while he was hanging over the side of the bed I slipped it on to his night stand. When he saw it right there he gasped and looked at me. His head almost exploded. I could not stop laughing. 

Dreams

I have not been sleeping good for a few months  now.

And I really need my sleep

My counselor was concerned with how much I sleep but I told him I really don't sleep good so I need 10 to 12 hours a night to function

But lately I have been taking Sean's ambien

Shhhh, don't tell anyone

Its been giving me more dreams than normal

But they have been pretty therapeutic

I dreamed that my ex-boyfriends sister told me she broke us up because he wasn't good enough for me.

And I had more but I can't really remember them

I think its because I am working on anger right now in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

One exercise they have you do is instead of picturing yourself wringing someones neck and working yourself up, you picture them embarrassing themselves.

For instance picturing them in a diaper with hairy legs.

It helps you let things go

So I have been doing that with stuff that upsets me in any way

It is so nice to think of how I wish things had gone instead of focusing on what went wrong

Right now I am trying to picture someone apologizing to me for thinking that they had a say in potty training Carmen when they absolutely did not. 

It is making me feel better

You should try it