Still working on it

I had a slip up with a box or two of cookies and it took me 2 weeks to get back down to 212 but I'm there. Again. Next week Sean and I are going to do a liquid diet. I'm going to have protein shakes, broth and fresh juice. It apears that my body cannot handle wheat. All this time I thought I was allergic to sugar. Apparently not. My skin is so much clearer since I'm doing my best to avoid it. But I have no self controll in the food department. Im working on it. Here's a comparison pic.

Other things

Until I actually start losing weight I am not going to weigh in. 

Other things

Today we are going to meet Carmens kindergarten teacher. I am having a hard time with this. It's the beginning of the end of me being a stay at home mom. I am so sad about this. I would not hold her back but it would be so nice to freeze time a little. To have her being a baby for a little while longer.

She was a year here

I didn't get to revel in her being a baby because I was pregnant right away and then the postpartum depression kicked my ass so hard. 

She is only a couple days here

I'm not sure my heart can handle her growing up.

I will be taking xanax and packing kleenex.

I love her so much

Friday Check In Week 4

I've been trying to write this blog all week.

I did a bit better in week 4

My official weigh in was 217.8
So thats 3 pounds

That makes a loss of 16 pounds since the surgery.

But I still have to say over all I'm disappointed.

I thought I was going to lose 40 the first month. I think my body is in starvation mode because of the shock of going from far too many calories to 800 to 1200 a day. I am working out and I am going to do my best not to fall into bad habits. But its very hard not to eat crap when I'm not losing weight anyway.

I will weigh in again tomorrow. But I'm not looking forward to it.

This week was nice. I had Louie to myself. We have hung out and gone shopping and snuggled all week. Last night I even slept with him. That turned out to be a big mistake though. He would not leave me alone. Then when I finally fell asleep he started waking up crying and got into the twin bed I was in. I thought he was crying because his legs were falling asleep but turns out he was having growing pains. I did not figure that out until 3 something though so I am EXHAUSTED. I will hopefully go to sleep early today. 

Tomorrow Carmen comes home and we begin preparing for her to start school. I will have to figure out lunches and breakfasts and all that jazz. I am intimidated. I only went to kindergarten in public school. And I have stayed home for 7 years now. I am going to have to get up and feed her and dress her and fix her hair. I am not good at any of those things much less bright and early every morning.

Also I applied at a daycare near by. I would be able to take Louis with me so that is cool. But it would be a minimum wage job. However I think its worth it because I wont have to pay daycare for him and it would be flexible. I also have a friend that upholsters furniture and I am thinking of asking her if she would let me help her. That is work I could do from home too. I have done a little of it before and I really liked it. I want to bring home a little money. 

I also want to get some sleep.

So goodnight

Friday Check In

I really don't want to check in today.  Dispite doing my best and eating 80% right and exercising almost every day my weight this morning was 220. It was 218 earlier this week but somehow it went up.  I've been so good. I have not gone over the 1 cup of food limit once. I am completely off wheat and sugar. My calories have not gone over 1000 yet. And I'm not counting the calories burned by all the exercise. Which yesterday I burned over 600. 

But I'm not changing my ticker. 

My weight has been 220 Monday the 21st. 

So anyway my official weigh in for this week is
220
which is a loss of
0

Just keeping on

So my plan is to do a weigh in on Fridays. But last Friday I was too discouraged to weigh in. I lost 13 pounds the first week and a half after the surgery, then I went up a pound last week despite following instructions to a T and exercising. My calories were under 900 every day (I can't eat very much at a time and I'm only supposed to eat every 3 to 4 hours). This way I can focus on this one week at a time. Instead of the 76 pounds that I need to lose. 

But I am going to just keep going. At some point the scale will start moving again. Actually I lost that one pound this week. My goal for this week besides eating right is getting at least 30 minutes a day of exercise.  

Sean went on a diet to support me and has lost 25 pounds himself. He joined the gym with me so we can workout together. Hes being very supportive. It's great. But I am going to punch him in the nuts for losing so much so quickly. I've lost 24 and hes lost 26. A-hole.

Sean starts a new job next monday and he has this week off so we are going to make the most of his time off. We are going to a friends today to grill. And Wednesday we are going to the beach. I wanted to go to the zoo tomorrow but he said it was too much for him so we scratched that off the list. It will still be great. And it really is too hot for the zoo right now. 

 I am off to rest for my fun day. Louis woke me up at 3 this morning and I could not go back to sleep. 

I hope everyone has a great week!

Some new changes

So I had gastric band surgery last week. Its been 9 days and so far I've lost 10 pounds. If I stick to the plan I will lose 90 pounds in 6 to 8 months. This is life changing for me and I am very excited. Maybe my kids wont remember the obese me. Maybe next year when Sean go on our first honeymoon I can look decent in a bathing suit. I have stuck to the plan hard core so far and I plan to do so.

I can no longer eat for comfort. It is going to be hard for me. I am going to try to replace it with journaling and exercise. Maybe I will take up guitar.

Also the inflammation and acne on my face has completely cleared up. My twin is probably right. We are allergic/sensitive to wheat and me to sugar. Being on liquids only for a week will do a lot for you. But man it was hard. This week I can eat soft foods. Yesterday I had half an avocado and 1/2 a cup of beans all day. I am going to join my fitness pal again so I can log all my food. And exercise. 

I have had so much going on lately I can't wait to settle into my new life. Oh and Sean is starting a new job for a school district in our area so he is going to have fridays off til school starts and 28 days off during the year.

All things to work towards and look forward to.

Everything

There is so much going on right now.

I had a birthday, my dad had 2 surgeries, and Sean and I are buying a house, and Roy died.

My dad had a heart cath on my birthday. Then he had another heart cath the next day where they put in 2 stints and "roto rutered" his arteries. Apparently Plavix does not work for him. In a very small percentage of people it does not metabolize. They switched his meds and hopefully we wont have to do this again. He was up and at 'em the next day. He is such a bastard. Pretending he feels good when clearly something is wrong. He had 80 to 90 % blockages in 2 arteries. 

About buying a house: We qualify for a much better house than we can afford. I feel so trashy because we are probably going to by a manufactured home. You can get more bang for you buck with a manufactured home. They have their drawbacks but they have a lot going for them too. A huge kitchen, a master suite with a dream bathroom, hopefully a neighborhood with a pool, and space. I do not want to buy a teeny tiny 3 bedroom house. There is no point to that. We already live in a small 3 bedroom house. This part ties into my birthday. I have always thought that I would own my own house by the time I was thirty. So I am very excited to be buying a house now, at 32. Damn getting older. Too bad you can't stop aging at 21. Once we own our own home (even if its a manufactured home) I will have accomplished all the things I wanted to accomplish by my age. We have almost no debt, We have kids, once we have a home there is nothing else I want. Though my van is on its last leg. Hopefully it will last another year.

About Roy: I am doing better than expected. I miss him so much but I am not as depressed as I thought I would be. He was a part of my life for so long. And for a while he was my only friend. I miss his face. 

Goodbye is the worst

I had to say goodbye to an old friend this weekend. My sweet little dog Roy got hit by a car Saturday. I got him 13 years ago from a shelter. We went just to look and he stuck his little black nose in the grate of his cage and I fell instantly in love. He was my friend. I have had quite a bit of guilt concerning him since the kids were born. He used to sleep with me but I kicked him out when I got pregnant the first time. He was the best dog. He had this face he made when he was happy and you could tell he was totally smiling. I thought I had more time with the little guy. He was quite spry for a 14 year old dog. But small mixed dogs are like that. The people who hit him stopped and kept apologizing. They were very nice. They said they had slowed down because they saw him and actually stopped but when they started moving again he went for the tire and they rolled over him. It was awful. But they were so nice to me.

Goodbye old friend. I will never forget you.
Roy Julio

Getting back in the habit of blogging again

I was so upset the other day about my back but Sean made me feel better. He has been trying really hard lately. My back has a very good prognosis. I will be able to be reasonably pain free. So that is pretty much that.

I went back to the chiropractor today. He adjusted both sides and the way it feels when he does it is indescribable. It hurts really bad and not at all at the same time. But I feel so much better today. Even before I went to the Dr.  Hopefully I will be better than normal in a few days. I hate having to spend the money but you know being able to walk and move is kind of worth it.

I am pretty much in the same place I was when I left off blogging. Life seems like one thing after another right now. I no longer have PTSD and I am very happy about that. Nothing seems to help my depression. Which is depressing. 

We are having some hella thunder right now. Its so cool. I can't wait till the weather is good and I can plant stuff.

Maybe tomorrow I will be feeling a little less sorry for myself.

Found out something crazy today

On Wednesday this week I hurt my back pretty bad. Yesterday it was alittle better but this morning it was bad. So I went to a new Chiropractor today. He took xrays of me. They showed my spine has a curve in it and that I had fractured my back in the past. He was like "are you sure you never injured it?" and that's when I remembered that when i was about 13 I got bucked off a horse and landed on my tail bone. I remember that it was super painful, and that no one took me to the Dr. 

At first I was like I knew that it was bad. My back was never the same after that. But now I feel so sad about it. My back was injured and I knew it and no one listened to me. I feel neglected. And unloved. And it makes me even more anxious that I might not take the kids to the Dr when they need it.

I have been trying to get back to blogging. I have opened up blogger many times and not been able to write things. My plan is to write fun stuff here and the sad stuff in my journal. Except this. Hopefully.