Its Debbie Downer again

I am having a hard time right now. We changed my meds a few weeks ago and I am thinking we are not done yet. I cannot keep up with the house. I have had several panic attacks. I am so tired I want to cry. I have a dull headache and its here to stay. The only thing I want to do is eat. I have gained 10 pounds. 

I've been working on cognitive therapy. But I am losing hope that I will get better. Life this way is not worth living. At best things are very Meh in a bad way.

I hate posting stuff like this but I need to.

Oh 1 funny thing Carmen said that made me laugh all week. I was in my pantys and a t shirt in bed and she said "look mommy has a butt crack" pointing to my where my stomach folds over. She didn't mean it in a mean way and truly its hilarious to hear her say butt crack.

A small accomplishment

I wore a regular bathing suit today for the first time in almost 7 years. I felt very self conscience. But I said to hell with those homeless freaks I've lost 60 pounds and I'm never going to see them again. So I took off my shorts and walked around in just the bathing suit. 

I missed it. The longer bathing suits are not as free in the water. 

I am a little proud of myself.

Changes

My babies are sick and I think I am getting it too. It could just be exhaustion catching up with me. Or the change in meds still. I am so nauseous. And my allergys are pretty bad today. I have a headache.

I have been discouraged with my dieting lately. But I think I just found the cure. Forks Over Knives. I am going to buy the cookbook and work on living this lifestyle. I don't think I can do without cheese but I can cut back. The only dairy we eat now is yogurt, cheese and sometimes Ice Cream. I am tired of not having any energy. Last night I got some alone time. I went to the health food store and hobby lobby and then got stuff from the grocery store. I was thinking about what I could do for myself everyday. I started remembering how I used to ride my bike every day and how much I loved it. I think I am going to ask Sean to let me go for a bike ride every day for at least 30 min when he gets home from work. Because I went and did my errands yesterday and came home and he still had time to go fishing for a while. It is really hard for me to take the kids out with the bike trailer. I can do 1 kid with no problem but the second kid gets really hard. The other option is having Carmen ride her little bike. But I don't get the mind clearing exercise with that. It is so difficult to think that if I eat better I will feel better and may even get healthier. But what I am doing now is not working. I am stuck in the mire. I am tired ALL THE TIME.
And I am tired of it.