Paula Deen

Sean made this graphic and I think its pretty funny

Stealing Sunday

The never ending Meme part 2


21. Did you go to your high school prom? 

No because I did homeschool
22. Perfect time to wake up? 

10 am
23. Perfect time to go to bed? 
8 pm
24. Do you use your queen right away in chess? 
nope
25. Ever been in a car accident? 
No
26. Closer to mom or dad…or neither? 
Neither
27. What age is this exciting life over for you? 
What ever age I die
28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?
The 60s
29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned? 
A pair of athletic flip flops
30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school? 
I might have 1 dress but I don't think so
31. Were you in track and field? 
No
32. Were you ever in a school talent show?
no
33. Have you ever written in a library book?
NO WAY
34. Allergic to?
Nada
35. Favorite fruit? 
Strawberries MMmmmm

Better :)

The cloud I have been in has thinned out a little. I feel a lot better than I was. I have been able to get more done around the house. I have been journaling. It helps me get the negative things out of my mind with bogging down the Internets. 

But the best thing about this week is tomorrow my aunt is going to spend the day with me and then she is going to take my babies home with her. I have some stuff to do saturday but you better believe sunday I am sleeping in and then I will be laying in bed until I absolutely have to get out. Hopefully I can catch up in the sleep department just a little. 

I am going to write a list here of some of the things I've been doing to make myself feel better. As a reminder to myself. Its so easy to forget these things.

1. Cleaning until I feel better

2. journaling

3. Exercising

4. Embroidering

5. Foot massage

6. Painting my nails

7. Not thinking

Brain Farts

There is so much crap swirling around in my brain right now. But I feel a little better today. Yesterday I did all the things on my to do list and it made me feel good. I even got a little alone time because both kiddos took a nap. But last night I learned it was because Carmen has an ear infection. She is still asleep right now because she didn't sleep last night. Poor baby. Does anyone know any home remedies for ear infections? I hate to put the girl on antibiotics but earaches are the worst.

Its raining today. Its been so long since it rained. No wonder I had a headache last night. I had a migraine last night so when Sean got home he had to make dinner. It was really nice of him because he didn't have a good day. 

My stomach muscles are sore today. I like it when they are just a little sore. It reminds me that I do actually have stomach muscles. I exercised yesterday for about 15 mins. I know its not much but its the best I can do. And it made me feel better. I am stretching for exercise. Its not hardcore but my body is so tense. And the hip stretches I do have been helping me so much. I found a stretching video for "down there" Thats what its called. Stretching for "down there". I decided to do it because of several issues I've had since I was preggo with Carmen and lo and behold its helping. Who Knew. I have been looking for other stretching videos but no luck. I saw one on public broadcasting at my grandmothers in November that I really wish I could find. But for now I am just doing the down there stretches and what ever else feels good.

I am feeling so much better today. I had been feeling pretty bad. And I've been having a lot of panic attacks. But not today. Its going to be a good day. And my aunt is coming friday to spend the day with me and shes going to take the kids back with her so I am going to sleep this weekend. And maybe do something just for me. As long as Carmen is feeling better. I won't send her anywhere if shes not feeling good. 

And to hopefully make you laugh here is something I pinned yesterday

Stealing sunday

Because my brain is dead
This is part 1 of the never ending meme

1. Song that always makes you sad? 
Probably wouldn't be this way by leann rimes and the adele song someone like you
2. Last thing you bought? 
Coffee at starbucks. And they took so long to give it to me they gave me free coffee cake and a free drink for next time.
3. Last person you argued with? 
Carmen . . . Shes got attitude
4. Do you put butter before putting the peanut butter on? 
Hell no
5. One of your stuffed animals’ names as a kid? 
Teddy. I will let you guess what he was.
6. Did you ever at one time own a Barenaked Ladies CD? 
No
7. Favorite day of the week? 
Friday
8. Favorite sundae topping? 
Chocolate
9. Did you take piano lessons? 
Yes and I hated it
10. Most frequent song played?
Any thing by the dixie chicks
11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?
sponge bob
12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey? 
HOCKEY if i could ice skate
13. Date someone older or younger? 
Older
14. One place you could travel right now? 
That I could? Hill country
15. Do you use umbrellas? 
no
16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem? 
Um no (usa)
17. Favorite cheese? 
Jarlsberg (I don't think thats how you spell it but whatever)
18. The Smith’s or The Cure? 
Neither
19. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes? 
Brunettes
20. Best job you ever had? 

The job I have now. I work from home. Love it

I just realized something. I am not enjoying being a mom right now. That makes me cry. I wanted a family of my own since i was a very small child.

I followed this link to an article about seizing the day and enjoying your kids. It was written by a mom who was having a hard time. She said every time shes out of the house someone stops her to tell her to enjoy every second because it goes so fast.

I want to.

I want to be enjoying this time with my babies but the truth is I'm not. I am so tired I will let them do anything just so I can have 10 minutes to myself. I let them eat all over the house so I can get away from them. I will let them eat in my bed so I can go to the living room and have a moment.

(i am crying so hard I am blowing snot bubbles)

I know I am doing the best I can. And that I am suffering from major depression right now and its not my fault. But I feel like it is. I know I am going to look back and regret missing out on this time and enjoying it, but I can't. I am useing all my energy making sure they are fed and i am not abusing them. 

Right now I kind of feel like life is passing me by. I am not really participating. If it were just my life it wouldn't matter but its theirs too. 

Damn

Louis Speech Therapy

Louis had an early intervention speech evaluation today. He has a 31% delay. He is only behind in speech. He was ahead or just right in everything else. So we are going to have a speech therapist come once a month and an early intervention specialist come twice a month. I feel better than I thought I would. This was one of those worried I was right and worried I was wrong things. But it turned out as good as it could. They thought it was probably his hearing. He has colds so often there is probably fluid in his ears. I really hope he does not need tubes in his ears. But the point is that there is nothing wrong with him and hes very smart, he just needs a little help. And we are getting that for him.

In other news (TMI WARNING)

The other night Carmen kind of caught us having "mommy and daddy time". She was sick and threw up all over the floor right outside our bedroom. Sean said it was because she heard us.

Made me laugh my butt off.

Just one more reason I love him.

Giveaway winner

And the My Memories suite give away winner is

K8*E

thank you for entering ;)

And remember if anyone wants to buy a My Memories Suite

you can use this (STMMMS82466) coupon code and get 10 dollars off the software and 10 $ in the online store.

today

Louis had his 2 year checkup today. It went very well. His penis is fine, his weight is in the 80th % while his height is in the 30%, and his speech is slightly delayed but probably "familial". I love Louies dr like you would not believe. He always high fives me, I know its cheesy but I love it. I know I listed the bad things about his appointment and I'm not sure why. I guess it made me feel better because I felt validated. He makes me feel like a good mom.

Also today is the last day to enter the give away. Tomorrow I will pick a winner from random.org. Thank you everyone who entered.

My baby man

Tomorrow my little man turns 2. I can't believe hes only been here 2 years. He completed our family. And filled the last holes in my heart. 

He is the sweetest little boy. The other day while I was washing dishes, he came over and hugged my legs and bit me. I think he was play biting but it really hurt. I screamed. (What, I do not try to hide how dramatic I am) and told him he was a bad boy. He sat in his little chair and started crying. It broke his little heart that I yelled at him. I picked him up and told him he was a good boy but that he can't bite. I am trying to teach him how to play bite. 

He loves to snuggle. He melts my heart and makes me laugh every day. 

He is such a boy. If the trash can is out of place he pushes it back with all his might. Or if a drawer is open, same thing. He is pretty stubborn but it adds to his charm.

He loves me and men. His daddy and grandpas are his favorite men. The last time my dad came to visit he went outside to get the rest of his stuff without saying hi to Louie. Louie burst into tears and didn't stop until dad came back and picked him up. 

He still has what I call baby man hands. They are tiny giant hands. 

And he is very strong.

He entertains himself very well. And he laughs easily. And he sucks his thumb. 

I adore him.

I wish I could remember every second that I have had him. Maybe then it would be easier to watch him grow up a little every day.

Oh mai god

My goobers woke me up at 6:30 this morning

I know a lot of people wake up that early. Some of them even enjoy it.

I do not

I went to sleep super late last night and only got about 5 hours of sleep. That is not enough for me to function. Well happily anyway

I do not feel that bad but I really wish I was asleep right now

I blame all of it on Sean. He wont let me lock their door. (one of those door knob things where they can't open the door)

If this doesn't make sense its his fault

Our car is in the shop. We have no car today but the repairs are only going to be 150$ I can live with that. It should be done today anyway.

I am going to go make more coffee

Scrap booking and my first GIVE AWAY!

I get to do my first give away! I am so excited!

I got an offer to try out a digital scrapbook program called My Memories Suite. 

I thought for sure it was a hoax. I wrote back and said you know I only have 28 followers right. I also wished I had a picture of Wil Wheaton correlating paper.

Anyway I went for it. I am working on a book for Carmen. I have 3 pages that I did myself from scratch. I really like it. I always wanted to be in to scrap booking but just couldn't get into it. But this is really cool. And you can make calendars and cards too. You can make digital scrap books or print them out . Its pretty easy to use. It took me about an hour to make the first page but it got faster from there.

I love it

When I finish her book I will share the whole album.

Now here's the give away part. You are going to get the same program I got. . . Free! All you have to do is comment here. If you visit  www.MyMemories.com and want to come back to tell what you liked you get another entry. 

Please enter!

Also for anyone who wants to buy one they gave me a coupon code worth up to 20$ 

STMMMS82466

It will give you 10$ off a software purchase and 10$ toward the MyMemmories.com store.

Sweet man

I was having a really awful day today until my hubby got home. I guess he could see it on my face. He helped me get them to bed and then he asked if I wanted to talk about it. He told me I can have some alone time tomorrow if I want. It made me feel better just to hear him say it. Also he said that hes noticed that whenever my new cycle starts I get depressed. He might be right. If he is it makes me feel a lot better. It doesn't mean I am not getting better. It just means once a month I will dip. I will have to talk to my Dr. about it. 

Also I found a favorite new show.  Tera. 

I researched getting a hotel room for the weekend so I could be alone and sleep. But its not in the budget for the month. We are having to really stick to our budget. There is a bunch of extra stuff coming up this month and next. Dr appts and such. 

I am working on a low carb sugar free cake. Its ok now so I am going to work on it and when its awesome I will share. 

I am going to take some tylenol and ib profen and watch tera. 

Good night

Its over

Today my dad goes in for the second surgery. I was hoping it would be easier for me, but its not. I am having a very hard time with this. I just got a text that the surgery is an hour earlier than it was supposed to be and my mother in law is not here yet. 

I want this to be over.

I am giving myself a free pass today. Do not be surprised if I tell you I gained back another 10 lbs. 

I feel mad at my dad for making me go through this. He preaches take care of your health but here we are 10 years after a quadruple bypass.

I was unable to finish this post this morning when I started it and its now almost over. My dad did great. I did okay. I am hoping that the nagging feeling of doom I have been having will go away now. It seems that the second surgery is always better than the first and recovery is too. 

Thank god this day is over

Tomorrow is all about relaxing and recovering for me

My parents are moving to a hotel tomorrow so my dad can rest without temptation.  If I could sleep all day tomorrow I would but alas. Not gonna happen. 

The other day Sean was telling me about some vacation he wanted to go on with his dad and I told him that it is my turn to go on a vacation by myself. He asked me where I wanted to go. At first I was thinking I don't want to go anywhere but then I thought about a scene from the movie The Divine Secret Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood where Ashley Judds character  has a break down and wakes up in a hotel days later. I have always wanted to do that. Just take me time, Not have a break down. So anyway I told Sean I wanted to go to a hotel and sleep for 2 days. I don't care where but I want to sleep and be alone.

I am going to eat some sugar free low carb ice cream and dark chocolate and take a shower and sleep (hopefully)

Good night