Shmemory foam

I want to write something awesome and/or funny but I don't have it in me today. I am so tired and I am sick or have bad allerys AGAIN. I am so pitiful when I am sick (or feeling sick). And having a sore throat makes it so much worse. 

If I could be a disney princess I would be Aurora (Sleeping Beauty). Because I want to sleep for 100 years. Can you imagine how good you would feel after you wake up from that.

Oh we got our new bed in today. I am so excited. Its going to be a long 48 hours. It came with 2 pillows that were about 1/2 and inch thick. Its been a couple of hours and they are starting to plump. The bed popped up right away.  Come Friday night I will sleep like a baby on my new 10" memory foam mattress and pillows (we will have 4 memory foam pillows instead of 2).

And I think that will be good because with our kids I have to wash their pillows constantly. So now I will have some backups.

I am wanting to do something to feel better but nothing that would actually make me feel better

Maybe later I will take the kids outside, its a beautiful day today.

Depression sucks 

So does not having any Vodka

So tired of shit

I am having a shitty day.  

Literally.   

I was just trying to survive today with all 3 of us making it out alive.

I put the kiddos in their room with a show so I could lay in bed.  I am having bad cramps.

I went to check on them and found a horrible mess.

Carmen had pooed (even though I had tried to get her to poo before I put her in there) and Louis had crawled through it and there was shit EVERYWHERE.  All over him.  I had to toss him in the tub and pull out my steam cleaner.  I had to bleach a bunch of their toys.  

I am so exhausted 

I don't know how I will make it until bedtime

The one good thing is I started so I am getting to use the Diva Cup and so far it is awesome

My project updated

I have finished another dish rag

It only took me about an hour 

Does the T look like a cross?

A turd in my bed

Today sucked so bad and culminated in Carmen leaving a big steaming hairy turd in my bed. Aren't you glad I didn't take a picture. 

I am hoping things will get better because I am giving Carmen a cookie for everything she leaves in the potty. She is doing much better already in the pee pee department. She is having a problem pooing in the potty though.

Carmencita

The other day Carmen was sitting on my lap on the couch and when she slid off the couch and her face ended up in my crotch. She stood back and said stinky and made a face.  I told her she wasn't supposed to smell mommys crotch. 

She asks for "stickles" when she wants me to tickle her.

She is able to express more every day and I love it. Even when she drives me nuts because she will not shut up.

Why today

Because I am crazy, I decided last night that today I am going to start potty training Carmen hardcore. It was after she took off her diaper for the 500th time yesterday and peed in her bed AGAIN. I figured I was already doing all the laundry I would have to do if we were potty training so why not. So far so good, but I have the feeling that she is about to rebel and not go sit on the potty every 30 mins or so.  

Heres hoping that next week I will only have to change 1 babies diapers.

ALRIGHT I got my first spam! I guess I am finally a real blogger. I know it was spam because its talking about weight loss. 

Here it is

I am in need of more weight loss information though you have given very much information can u write more posts on this topic it will be helpful to me.

The joke is on them because I have no "tips" on weight loss. I suck at it. 

Yesterday we signed a life insurance policy and I had to tell the guy my weight. It almost killed me to say it out loud. To a dude.  

I have decided to go at weight loss in 5 pound increments. And as a day to day thing.  Like I just have to eat good for today. And exercise today. 

My brain is fried today because I have 2 sick babies. They have terrible coughs. Last night Carmen coughed until she puked. . . all over her bed. I had to get up in the middle of the night and give her a wipe bath and change ALL of her bedding. Even her pillow. 

I am not looking forward to today 

My new hobby

I have started my first embroidery project. Well I did this

and this

but that was for practice

Sorry for the crappy pictures

But this week I started my first real Project

 I think I might go back and fill in the L with yellow floss.

I know its nothing special but I really enjoyed it and it helps me relax. Its something that is just for me. And I am so happy that I finally have a hobby!

It's not easy being green

This 

is how I feel today. 

ICKY

and Green

I don't have a cold I just feel like vomiting

And our new neighbors scary dog will not stop BARKING

Carmencita

Today I am feeling fantastic

Carmen and I are sitting in my bed watching Dora.  Every time Swiper says "Oh Man" Carmen gets so excited and says it while pumping her fist. It cracks me up and almost makes watching Dora bearable.

Here is a pic of my turtle

Thats Carmens little hand

Brain Farts

I am having a bad day.  My head hurts and I want some cake.  

But I did make it to my religious services this morning and feel good about that.

This weekend has gone by too fast

BBT asked us to do something for ourselves this week so I decided yesterday was the day.  I didn't have any opportunities to do anything before then. 

I bought myself a piece of yard art.  It is a turtle made of metal with stones on it.  Also I bought some stuff for Sean and my Sister. My sisters anniversary is coming up. 14 years.  I have a hard time buying stuff for her but I found some stuff I think she will really like.

I am going to take the kids outside to play now.  Probably I should not post today but too bad

I can blog with my phone now. Cool

General rambling

I am feeling so dookyish today.  Not as bad as I thought, but still bad.  

Also I am having a lot of anxiety because I told my sister about my blog.  

It freaks me out because this is my online journal so I say things here that I might never say out loud anywhere else.  But I am going to trust her and I'm not going to censure myself. 

I got to spend some time with my sister today.  I enjoy hanging out with her so much.  I love being friends.  

I have been making myself go outside because it makes me feel better.  I planted some tomatoes, broccoli, brussel  sprouts, lettuce and some flowers.  Mostly seeds so I will have to wait to see if they take.  Oh and I am going to get some butternut squash from my sister.  

I am not making sense today but I blame it on the drugs or lack there of

The best anniversary ever

Our lovely weekend started when we left Louis at my friends house.  I knew he would be fine with her because he was crawling around pulling movies off of her shelves and when we put him down for a nap he stuck his little thumb in his mouth and that was it.  

The first thing we did was a little shopping.  Sean bought me a bra and matching panty set. I love it.  And a shirt. A shirt that shows my cleavage off.  Love it.  Then we got Sean some stuff.  And massage oil.

 Then we checked into our hotel.

When I walked into the lobby I was thinking Uh oh.

When we walked down the hall I thought Oh no

But the room was Beautiful.

This was not our room.  I forgot the camera and then when we got there I was so excited I forgot to take pics with my iphone.

Here are the ones I took when I finally remembered

and this one

I got this pic of our bed

They tiled the wall as a headboard.

It was pretty

But this was the highlight for me.

The bathroom was amazing

The bathtub was huge enough for us to take a bath together

and the shower was a rain shower and it was wonderful

This was the view from in the bedroom

Oh and thats Seans butt print

Then we headed to dinner

At Fogo de Chao

It was tasty

At this point I was pretty tipsy and Sean had to take the pic

I had so much fun

I thought I did a better job taking pics but no I suck

I did get 1 of myself in the bathroom because the lighting was cool

But that was all i took in the picture department.

I suck

But I had fun

And next year is my turn to surprise Sean

I cant wait

Uh Oh

I want to post about my anniversary weekend and how awesome it was but I can't right now.  I had my Dr appt early this afternoon and He wants to take me off one of my meds.  The pristiq.  That makes me super uncomfortable.  He wants me to quit cold turkey too.  Pristiq has BAD side effects.  Once or twice I've forgotten a pill and spent the day flat on my back with bad dizzyness and headaches.  I called and left a message with a friend of mine who is a Dr so she can give me a second opinion.  I just ate a bag of lindt truffles because I am worried about this.  I actually think its a good idea  because I was taking it for scary thoughts and they are gone.  I am just afraid that they will come back. 

I am feeling panicky about this 

6 years

Today I have been married to my best friend for 6 years. 

We have been through a lot together. Injuries, surgeries, 2 pregnancies and babies, mental illnesses and more.   We've made it through all those things and love each other more because of it.

The last 2 years have been hard but they were the best so far. 

 My Lover has grown so much.  He is a great supporter of our family and of me. 

Sean I love you so much.  I am so proud of you.  

You are a great husband.  And I love your penis

Amber

Louis

This is my sweet little Louis.  We had an impromptu photo session and this is the best shot.  Well I know its not that good but I love his eyes in this one.  

 He likes to turn his back to the camera as soon as he sees it. So I got a lot of pictures of this

Nice huh

Every time I tried to get a shot of his face he turned around

In this one he got mad because I took away some Hackberrys he was trying to eat

"Wuz Up"

What a pimp

This one is not too bad considering I had to move the camera to where I couldn't see the pics I was taking

I like this one too.  I want to take a bite out of those chubby legs

These are all untouched and taken on a not too great camera but I like them so thats all that matters

Pity party

I am so tired of depression.  I am so tired of these whiny posts.  I am tired of having the life sucked out of me.  I have no personality anymore.  I wake up and think "I hope I will be in a good mood today" I just want to be me and I want this life sucking parasite to go away.   

I do have more better days and better hours and can get more accomplished than I used to be able to do.  I don't know what to do.  Today I do not have the energy to fight anymore.  But I have to get the Babies up and fed.  I go to the Dr next week, maybe he can help me.  

Being a Mom

This morning I am up a little early drinking my coffee alone and enjoying a moment by myself.  Reading my blogs I came across a couple of moms that talked about how having children caused them to "stop living their lives" and how they are going to "fix" that.  I don't understand.  What is wrong with living your life with your children as the focus? So what if its hard to go on a date every week with your hunny. There are other ways to stay connected. 

I do think its important to stay connected to your partner and to not completely lose yourself because one day your kids will grow up and leave.  But you don't get to keep them that long.  I have no problem with the fact that this weekend is going to be the first time in over 2 years that Sean and I have spent the night alone together.  And it doesn't bother me that it will almost certainly be a year, possibly more before we are able to do it again.  

Maybe it's because since I was 12 I've wanted to have kids.  And because they grow too fast.  Or because I am done having babies.  

All I know is that I love how becoming a mom has changed me.  And it makes me sad to think that not everyone feels that way.