Reasons I love that man

Sean and I like to take our shower together at the end of the day. It helps us relax and connect at the end of the day plus I can scrub his back for him. And see him naked.

The other day he had been working outside and he had what I could tell was a leaf but it would have been a really big bug (if it were a bug). And since I love to hear him scream like Homer I gasped and said "You have a bug!) He quickly reached up and grabbed the leaf while I laughed my butt off.

After 5 minutes I had still not stopped laughing so he said "Leaf me alone"

I died. I almost fell out of the shower I was laughing so hard.

This may not be funny to you but it is definitely on of the reasons I love that man 

Pain

If no pain no gain is true I must really be gaining because I am in so much pain.

 I am waddling like a preggo.

I worked out for about an hour and a half on sunday and I am really paying for it.

I jogged (very slowly) for about 20 mins and the rest was a class on resistance training. I didn't think it was going to hurt this much though.

I am afraid to go again.

I just coughed and almost passed out from the pain.

But its ok I have a few days to recover because Louis is sick.

He is such a grouchy sicko.

And his eye is so gross and goo-ie

Poor little turd

Don't worry I have been snuggling him every chance I get

He woke me up at 2 last night and he just wanted to be held for a moment.

It is sad to see him so pitiful

He would not stop being grouchy for the picture

Liebster

I am doing the happy dance because I got my first award (and I am drunk). Thank you so much Ruth.

This is a special occasion for me. I have always wanted an award and until now had never gotten one. So now whether or not Ruth wants, she is going to be my best friend. Uh Oh but who am I going to pass this on to? Because I love a bunch of blogs but the writers do not know who I am. Oh well.

The first blogger that I want to show love ( Besides Ruth) is Jen at Buried with Children She has 500 kids and she is still sane (Mostly)

The second Blogger I love is The Bloggess who also happens to be a jen. I know she is not going to respond to this but she is an awesome person and it brightens my day every time I read her blog.

The third blogger I love is Trish at Fertile Hope She helped me heal (mentally) from my daughters birth and because  of that I was able to enjoy my sons birth.

The forth blogger that rocks my socks is Kaycee. She is soo cool and her Carrah is a week younger than my Carmen.

Now for number Five is Cherylyn at Mommies and Babies  I love the whole process of natural birth (because I was unable to have one) and have learned a lot from her.

These are only 5 of the blogs I love but they are definitely honorable mentions. And I do not expect them to claim their awards but I still love them. 

Thank you again Ruth.

Thankful

Today I am so grateful that its friday

And for whisky

And for dirty scrabble

And for my hunk of burnin' love

Reasons I love that man

Tonight as we were drying off after our shower Sean said "guess what" and he paused for dramatic effect "Only 6 more weeks until archery season"

I said " How did you know exactly what I was thinking" and then I died laughing

He got all excited and said "really thats what you were thinking"

I love how he thinks that if hes interested in something then I am too.

Good thing hes so cute

Mormons

Seems like every other week I get a visit from a couple of mormon boys. 

They came by today to tell me I would be more blessed if I serve their god

I told them I have my own beliefs 

So they told me that I can talk to any mormon about it and they offered to take out my trash or do my dishes

I started laughing about that

I was VERY tempted to let them wash my dishes

But the kids were asleep so no

But one of the kids looked like he was going to charge through my door and insist on washing the dishes

Maybe next time

One of them asked for some water

Pfhaaa

Its only 100 today ( I am only half joking about that because its been 105 for weeks here)

Its practically a cold front

Me-ness

At the moment I am feeling sad. I have been doing very well lately with not letting myself being overwhelmed with sadness. But I feel like it would help to write it out here.

I am feeling sad because I feel like I missed out on both of my kids babyhood. I just bought the month stickers for my best friend and I teared up because I didn't do that. I could not take pictures every month of either of my kids. I never take pics of them. I know I am a good mom but I wish I had that to remember. I miss them as babies so much. I adore them now but I miss the other.

And I am also feeling sad because I hurt/am hurting someone I love very much. My cousin. My cousin is getting married and I am not going to her wedding. Partly because its a destination wedding and there is no way we can afford to go anywhere. But that is not the only reason. I am not going to explain on here why but she knows. And it hurts her. There is nothing I can do to make it better. 

I feel sick. It hurts me when I hurt others. 

I DID IT!

I have lost 40 pounds!

I cant believe it.

And I officially weigh less than I have in 6 years

Only 6 lbs to go until I cross the 200 lb mark.

I am so excited!

A stall in progress

My parents are here for a visit. They came in on saturday. We were at my sisters house because her husband cut his finger with a saw pretty bad. My dad took my BIL to the ER while my mom and I stayed at my sisters house with her. We were talking and my mom blurted out "your dad had a stroke" I thought she was joking but . . . no. My dad had a stroke about 3 weeks ago but didn't get any treatment for it. He went yesterday for a ct-scan. We are getting the results today. In about 45 minutes. 

I am so scared. I love my dad so much. I know everyone loves their dad and I am not special but I really love him and I don't know what I will do without him. This is not something we should have to deal with. Because I know he is not going to take care of himself. He had a fucking stroke and didn't get treatment. He had a heart attack about 10 years ago and he has diabetes and he refuses to take medication for it. He even stopped taking asprin until he had the stroke. 

I feel like I am already grieving him and he hasn't died yet. I wish I could be helping more but I cannot. I cant go to the Dr with them. I wouldn't be any help if I did. I feel so helpless. And Sad.  

I told him I am scared and he looked me in the eye and said "I'm fine" I am going to punch him if he says that to me again. 

All I want to do is eat and sleep. And the kids and I have a cold so we cannot go to the Jumpy House. 

ETA: My dad is going to be ok! well if he takes his medication and eats right and exercises. The stroke was preventable. 

A link up!

I am going to post something funny today if it kills me because I am linking up with Momma made it look easy At least I am going to try. I am not sure if I can because this is more of an everything blog than a mommy blog. But still.

The other day Carmen lost her cup and we looked and looked for it but no such luck. The next day she found it in her room and ran in yelling " I found it I found it" I told her it was dirty so I would wash it for her. She said "thank you mommy, that make me happy"

I died

I was having a horrible day. It was one of those days that I ended up bribing the kids to go to their room because I was so overwhelmed with sadness.

I started crying and could not stop. I was having unwanted scary thoughts. So I called my case manager (still crying) to ask him to point me in the right direction. Any thing to feel better. If I had known he was going to come over I would never have called. But I am so glad he did. He helped me start my WRAP  

I thought I was really in touch with myself, but I am not. I have some work to do. But I know where to start. For now.

I am feeling better now than I have all week. I am feeling so thankful. 

I was doing so good. I was being so positive because I knew help was on the way. But after last week and my visit with the case manager I am not doing good. I cannot get the happy back. I cannot stay out of my bed. I cannot keep my house clean. 

Because I am paying for myself and the state is not, I am a low priority. I have no idea when I will receive help. And it's bringing me down.

But I did get some really nice makeup. Sean let me get some expensive makeup because he got a bow and needed some paraphernalia. I got pressed powder foundation, blush, concealer, and eyeliner. That eyeliner ROCKS. It didn't smudge and lasted ALL DAY. I have never used eyeliner that good. In fact all of the makeup lasted all day. I would recommend the Tarte makeup for anyone.

I wish Sean could stay home with me. I miss him and he makes me happy