Carmencita

Today we went to the zoo. It was so much fun. Carmen was running around looking in the exhibits and playing with the stuff they had set up. But the best part was when we were looking at the tiny monkeys and one was right there staring at her. She started saying "Baby, I want baby" and reaching for it. It was CUTE!!!

The Kiddos

Carmen and Louis share a room. Their door has a window in it(because their room was the garage). So that means that I have a window into their world. The other day I went to check on them while they were "napping" and I wish I had a camera. Carmen had carried her pink little tykes chair over to Louies bed and was talking to him and giving him toys. It was so cute to see it. I already knew that they were doing it because I put louis in bed with no toys and I get him out with 4. It is really sweet how they play together. already. I am going to have to get the camera out of the van so I can keep the memory alive.

I wrote this months ago but for some reason I didn't post it.

Making lemonade out of life

I have been thinking about blogging a lot lately. Because I love reading other blogs and because I have been having a hard time coming up with posts because I dont want them to be too negative. Heres what I came up with. I am just going to have to go with the flow, you know follow the river. Sometimes I am happy and funny, other times I am depressed and sad. Thats who I am. I am a happy fat depressed person. I think this should be a depression blog. I have not found many of those. Maybe it will be the next big thing, like mommy blogs.

My moods are very roller coastery. Yesterday was a great day. I got up early, I worked and cleaned house. I took the kids on a walk. C was so funny when I asked her if she wanted to go on a walk she screamed. We only went around the block because our double stroller was in the van that S has been driving to work. When I went right back home she started crying and yelling "walk walk" well actually she says walk "auk". Now I know for most people this does not sound cute but C does not usually act this way. It just means that she LOVES going on walks.

But today........ I am so sad. For no reason. I can't think of one anyway. It went pretty much the same as yesterday. I got up at 7 worked and then got the babies up and fed, and then we went on a walk. But since we got home I have felt a little sick and pretty down. Maybe its just allergys. I couldn't stop sneezing. I almost peed my pants. Hate that.

I think thats it. I am not feeling good because of allergys. And that makes me feel down a bit.

I am going to see if I can find some depression blogs.

Later

Today I feel good, I feel hopeful. My sister is going to stay with us next month. I am a little scared about it and excited too. I would love to be friends with her again. But its scary to put myself out there again. Especially because I have been so hurt before. Its hard. I have to keep negative things as far away from me as I can. I have to be the best that I can for my babies. I can't waste energy on pointless things. Maybe it will be different this time.

I am frustrated with MIL this week. I do NOT like her butting her head in our business all the time. We are adults. We can and will take care of ourselves. Why does she want to hold our hand and walk us through EVERYTHING. It's not her job or even at this point her right to do so. And instead of being honest with us she tries to sneak it in.

"Amber the other day I was watching the Dr.s. Do you ever watch that show? Well its kind of like Dr. Oz. They said not to give babies peanut butter because it can get stuck in their throat and they can choke and its real hard to get it out of there."

I give Carmen peanut butter sandwiches almost every day. I remembered from when I was a kid that I didn't like thick pb because it was hard to swallow. I am careful with her. But I cant protect her from everything. And I cannot worry about Everything that could possibly happen.

I am tired of it. I already have major anxiety. I want so much to tell her to STFU.

And SIL....PLEASE. She is so rude and disrespectful of her mother. She treats her mom so bad I would be ashamed if it was me. But if any one says ANYTHING "Leave mom alone". Doesn't matter if you are right or if she was just saying something dont you say anything. that goes for Sean too. I wish I could tell them to fuck off and take a break from them for a couple months. At least I wont have to see SIL for a while again.

So much for being hopeful.

I am going to find something to eat.