New Beginings

I have a blog with Live Journal where I intended to vent my joys and frustrations to the void that is the Internet. You know...You can have your say without having to defend yourself to anyone you know. But hubby started linking my blog to his...and people read his....people we know. I don't care if anyone reads this in real life but in Ambyland...my world someone does and understands how I feel. But they don't know me. So I can say what I want and I don't have to censure myself. So I decided to start fresh...here. I plan to share my greatest joys and my greatest sorrows. so here goes nothing.

I am having marital problems. Not horrible but still depressing. And I know that part of it is my hormones but part of it is not. My hubby is a wonderful person. But he needs to grow up. Before baby it didn't bother me but now I don't have the energy to deal with it. I am ready for him to grow up now and hes not. I feel like a single mom. I do 90% or more of the child care. Obviously I feed her I play with her I comfort her I get her up in the mornings I change her (Hubby might change her once or twice in a day) I do everything (that's how I feel). And when I ask Hubby to do something he usually huffs like a 10 year old when asked to feed the dog or take out the trash or do his homework. It instantly pisses me off. And I think it would be easier if I were a single mom. But I know that it wouldn't because I love Hubby very much. And I'm not lonely. I was always lonely before I met him. I use to cling to the mantra "he will grow up, he will grow up" but that's not enough any more. I need to get this off my chest because its poisoning me. Sometimes I don't love him anymore. But I do. Sometimes I wish I hadn't married him. But I can't imagine my life with out him. And my baby. I would do anything for her. Shes my greatest Joy. How do I get past this? (not her, him) I don't want to be a single mom. But sometimes he makes me SO MAD. 

I feel better now. Thanks void