AmbyLand

Today I feel good, I feel hopeful. My sister is going to stay with us next month. I am a little scared about it and excited too. I would love to be friends with her again. But its scary to put myself out there again. Especially because I have been so hurt before. Its hard. I have to keep negative things as far away from me as I can. I have to be the best that I can for my babies. I can't waste energy on pointless things. Maybe it will be different this time.

I am frustrated with MIL this week. I do NOT like her butting her head in our business all the time. We are adults. We can and will take care of ourselves. Why does she want to hold our hand and walk us through EVERYTHING. It's not her job or even at this point her right to do so. And instead of being honest with us she tries to sneak it in.

"Amber the other day I was watching the Dr.s. Do you ever watch that show? Well its kind of like Dr. Oz. They said not to give babies peanut butter because it can get stuck in their throat and they can choke and its real hard to get it out of there."

I give Carmen peanut butter sandwiches almost every day. I remembered from when I was a kid that I didn't like thick pb because it was hard to swallow. I am careful with her. But I cant protect her from everything. And I cannot worry about Everything that could possibly happen.

I am tired of it. I already have major anxiety. I want so much to tell her to STFU.

And SIL....PLEASE. She is so rude and disrespectful of her mother. She treats her mom so bad I would be ashamed if it was me. But if any one says ANYTHING "Leave mom alone". Doesn't matter if you are right or if she was just saying something dont you say anything. that goes for Sean too. I wish I could tell them to fuck off and take a break from them for a couple months. At least I wont have to see SIL for a while again.

So much for being hopeful.

I am going to find something to eat.