I can't

I cant think long enough on 1 subject to compose a whole post so here are some things I have been thinking about...1 more month and Louie turns 1......it has all been a blur and I wish I had been able to enjoy it more. It hurts so much to see people I care about (or cared about) make such bad decisions. I am feeling a lot better other than being sick. I think I want to focus on Louie.

The sweetest little boy is not a new born and soon he will be a toddler. I love toddlerhood so much but my favorite is new born. Well thats not really true. I am sad because I will not be having anymore newborns. And that is a good thing because I am to crazy to handle another one but still, I love them.

And even though he really is the sweetest baby boy in the world, Louie is stubborn. When he wants something and I tell him no (like the trash can) he keeps grabbing at it until I remove it. Carmen was not that stubborn. I could tell her no a few times then she would move on and just come back to it later. Not Louie. He wants it and it takes some real patience on my part to get him to leave it alone.

Louis is very forgiving. Carmen can try to drown him in the bath and make him cry but after 5 seconds he is fine and playing with her again. Or he can scream when I have to clean out his nose but as soon as I am done he is so happy to be hanging with me.

I love how he loves me, and reaches for me, and holds on to me. Like I am special. We went to visit my grandpa the other day and Louie took 1 look at him and burst into tears. The whole time we were there he was holding onto me like he would die if he let go. I have no problem with that. I know that he will grow out of it, and soon enough he wont even want to look at me but for now....he loves me. Its so sweet.

I really am the luckiest person in the world when it comes to my kids. They are so amazing. The last few months have been so hard for me concerning my depression. I have felt that life was not worth living. Even when I thought about how wonderful my family is. There was no joy. But its coming back now. Hallelujah.