Today is going to be a good day. Carmen is being so good. Well she is always good but she is being super sweet today. I am figureing this whole being a mom of two thing. I love my family so much. Sometimes in the evening before we put Carmen to bed, we bring her into our room and watch tv all four of us. It is so fun. I am looking forward to when the babies are bigger and we can actually pay attention to whatever is on tv. Last night Sean was singing Carmen her song and she was dancing and clapping. My heart is so full just thinking about it.
Recently I read Mommywood by Tori Spelling. She talks about her relationship with her mom and her fears about being a mom to a girl. I understand what she meant. I have the same fear. What if I turn into my mom. I think the 200mgs of zoloft with help that from ever coming true, and that I am a nicer person. I love my mom so much. She was so depressed when I was growing up that my heart breaks when I think about it. And I don't know how she handled being basically a single mom with 3 babies. I took my 2 to walmart the other day and we made it but just barely. My mom lived in the sticks, she had NO help at all. I have my MIL. She takes Carmen once a month so I can work. My mom had my Aunt but she lived 2 hours away. Having 1 baby didn't change how I felt about my mom but having 2 did. I think I am less hurt and angry with her.
Life is so funny. Just when you think its never going to get better and you should just give up. Everything changes.
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