Where I've Been

I know you guys can't tell I've been gone but I was gone for 4 days. I was in a Crisis Stabilization Unit. It was a nicer version of a mental hospital. (BTW They put me in there under a protective order so I can never buy a gun for the rest of my life) I went to see my therapist and she asked if I would consider it. I was so tired of feeling depressed that I said yes. So 8 hours later I ended up in the back of a police vehicle in shackles being driven 2 hours away. 

That was the worst part. I was pretty angry that they shackled me because I volunteered to do it and I had never been in handcuffs before, forget shackles. And the first night was hard but after that I was glad that I was there. It was just like any hospital except you can get up and do stuff (with supervision) but you can't go to the bathroom without having someone unlock the door. I think I was the least crazy person there. They changed my meds and I definitely feel better. I think I have a better perspective on reality. Hearing everyone else's stories, I realize my life is really good. I may get down on myself that we don't own our own home and that we have debt.  But those are dumb things to be depressed about. The others there had real issues. One lady had lost 4 babies by the age of 25. She was there for drugs. Another woman was there because her boyfriend cheated on her and left her without saying a single thing. She was so crushed. There was an older man there who reminded me of my Papa. He had hairy arms and a bald head just like my papa. He was super crazy but I still wanted to hug him ( I didn't) He was a little scary. He was telling me he knew that one of the nurses had killed more people than he could count. My roommate had such severe anxiety she only said 2 intelligible words to me. She would only get out of bed if someone made her. Most of the people there had hurt themselves or tried to kill themselves. 

In all of the therapy sessions the kept saying recovery is 30% meds 30% therapy and 40% willingness. I am there. I want to up my therapy sessions. At least for a few weeks. My mom will be in town so she will watch my babies for me. They also said a lot about poor poor me syndrome. I told my dad he is never allowed to tell me that but that I realized I need to stop pitying myself. 

I feel (and hope) that this is a changing point of my life for me.    

Also I got to rest and I didn't have to cook or clean and I got to pee alone. It was so nice. I think I really needed that. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I know I will.