Therapy

At my therapy appointment today my therapist told me I cannot right the wrongs of my childhood by being a perfect parent. It has been playing in my head like a broken record all afternoon. 

If only it could

My "homework" for the next 2 weeks is working on sleep because the kids are in a bad habit of coming into my room at night and keeping me awake, on top of not sleeping all that good anyway. And telling myself something I did right as a parent every day. 

Apparently I am a perfectionist. It is a little shocking to me that I might be. A little hard to believe. 

I am having a hard time blogging about this because I want to just lay it out there but at the same time I am an introvert and very private. Its trying to spill out everywhere but there is too much surface tension and it won't fall. 

Why do my issues have to be tied so strongly to my mother? Why can't it be over now that the abuse is over. Now I have a wonderful relationship with my mom and I want to be over all of this. I thought I was. But then new things bubble up and I am left feeling punched in the gut. Heart broken. Tired.

I used to cry myself to sleep at night saying I just needed someone to hold me but thats not it. Recovery from depression takes effort which I am more than willing to put in and time, But I am impatient. I want it NOW.