I am at a point in my recovery (from depression) where I am scared to move forward
I work really hard to feel better and it starts working but then I get scared that something is going to happen and I kind of give up and slide backwards
The major players in my depression are lack of sleep, feeling sorry for myself and, fear
Its almost like I am afraid to feel better because I know it wont last
That sucks
And its not true
I can feel better and it can last
But so far it hasn't
So its scary
But I will get past this
I just have to keep trying
Just a little every day
Hi Amby. I haven't been in blogland lately but am getting back into my blog and came by to check on you. I'm so happy to see that you have sought counciling and are on some meds. I have chronic depression and 'personality disorder' pretty much similar to bipolar. I have managed my depression and have not suffered badly in the past 5 years. I take seroquel and lamictal. these drugs have stabilized me and I have not had an outburst in 5 years. I am so happy to be getting better. You can too sweetie. You know that you can be happy. One thing I learned is that my happiness depended on me and not anyone else. My wellness depended on me and not anyone else. Your medication is there to help you to feel better but you have to work at it too. You have come a long way Amby so don't think you aren't doing well.
ReplyDeleteMy mother and I didn't have such a great relationship at times and at times it seemed like the world was going to end and no one would ever know me. My father molested me. Through the years I have dealt with all this terrible stuff that I lived through growing up. It wasn't easy at times. But the best thing about today is that I forgave my father and my mom and I have the sweetest and best relationship I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm just telling you to hang in there and give yourself credit. You can do this. In a year you will look back and say I've come a long way. Keep it up Amby. Remember that normal is not the same all the time. Normal changes.
Thank you so much for the support. You know last week I started feeling so good and I thought I would feel even better without my meds. I have been saying that I would take meds forever to feel better and I get one that starts working and I do the classic depressive thing :) I am sorry that you had to go through the things you did. But I'm glad you have a good relationship with your mom/parents? I feel like I've made a lot of progress in the last 6 months so I really look forward to a year from now. I have been gardening and I want to take some pics for your linkup. Thanks for checking on me :) Amber
Delete