Today I am going to talk about a scary subject. Spanking. I know a lot of people (including my MIL) think its child abuse. I do not. I believe in spanking. And I have a good perspective on it because I was abused. I was always bruised after being "disciplined". Several times when my mom was angry for some reason or another when she beat me I lost control of myself and screamed. I could not help it, it hurt so bad. So I know what abuse feels like. Also I remember 1 (and only 1) time that i was given a spanking and I remember thinking I deserved that. I remember after my dad said I love you now give me a hug and the overwhelming feeling of love that came over me.
So I know the difference between spanking and beatings. Between discipline and abuse. Spanking should always be a last resort. And should NEVER leave marks or bruises. And are not about the pain they cause but the lesson they teach. I will not use anything but my hand and when that no longer works (the kids are old enough that it is humiliating more than anything else) that will be the end of spanking. I will not spank my 16 year old daughter. I might take away her car but I will not spank her.
My MIL has a huge problem with spanking. Which I find ridiculous because she spanked and for a little while even used a horse whip. But she brings up The Nanny almost every time we are together. I think that show is great because it does show that other forms of non-corporal punishment work. And that consistency is key. But I cannot watch that show because of how bad the parents are.
Anyway, we had a biting incident the other day where Carmen bit the shit out of Louis. It was really bad. She bit him twice. So she got a spanking. Her first real spanking. I pullled her diaper off and swatted her hiney twice. Sean told his mom about it and that Carmen got a "bad spanking for it" MIL said " I know I saw the bruises". That really upset me. I could not just let that go so the next time I was talking to MIL I said something about it to her. I explained that even though she didn't believe in spanking I did. And what the limitations were on spanking and how I had been abused so it really upset me that she said that about the bruises.
She was really nice about it. She apologized about it because she realized how it made me feel. She said she didn't think that we would ever intentionally bruise our kids. And I am hoping that she will respect our decision about spanking.
Carmen had bruises on her legs because she is borderline anemic and also shes 2.
I feel better now that I got this off my chest. I hope that I do not offend anyone. Hopefully this was so long that no one really read it. I just think that it should be said that spanking is not abuse.
I don't think spanking is abuse.
ReplyDeleteI think as a parent you do what you think is best.
Sometimes that is the only way kids learn what they did was wrong.
I happen to agree with you. In fact, I think calling a spanking like you describe abuse is incredibly insulting, not only to the parents who choose to discipline their children this way but also to survivors of actual abuse.
ReplyDeleteTHank you both for your comments. I was afraid to write this so I appreciate the support.
ReplyDeleteI am in agreeance also! Just recently I mistakenly mentioned it on facebook and started an all-out war! Spanking works for some people and doesn't for others, the same as time out. My daughter would literally sit in time out all day and scream her head off, and still not get the point of why she is there. Whereas if she gets a spanking, she's done in like 3 minutes!
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