MIL

Yesterday was Carmens dance recital

She was so cute and did such a good job

She was such a little princess

And that is where I want this blog to end but it doesn't

After the recital we went to the ILs house for dinner

Where MIL proceeded to "spank" me

I had a panic attack and ran from the room crying

It felt humiliating and unjust

I realize that a lot of those feelings were my past speaking

But she did that because she was once again complaining about FIL and how he didn't vacuum a pillow she has that she vacuums 

I said " how nice of your husband to vacuum for you" 

So then she said " Sean helps you to Amber. Don't act like he doesn't help. I am going to spank you for that"

And then she walked over and smacked me on the butt 7 times

I wasn't saying that Sean doesn't help me (even though he doesn't)

I was saying maybe for once you should be thankful that you have such a good husband

So then I am in the bathroom crying trying to calm myself 

And here comes her footsteps and a god damn knock on the door

"Amber can I talk to you"

So then she comes in and tells me that she does that to the people she loves

She never really said she was sorry

I cannot remember if she actually said the words or not but what she said after proves that she didn't really care

She was trying to tell me that I took it the wrong way

Like its my fault

She made it all about herself

I explained that it gave me a panic attack and that in therapy we had been talking about my mom a lot and she said something to the effect of: I really love you amber and I didn't do that to hurt you. You take everything I do like I did it on purpose. so I said I know and she said "no I don't think you do"

I feel like we are at the tipping point of cutting her out of our life 

All its going to take is 1 more tiny thing and then I am going to put her in a time out

I am so tired of carmen telling me "Mimi says I can't do that" or other obnoxious shit

If my mom pulled that crap i'd cut her out too

If I had made some one cry I would feel bad and make sure they knew I was sorry 

And I wouldn't do it again

That was not the first time she spanked me

I am a grown ass woman

That was so disrespectful of me as a human being

A person

I am having a really bad day because of this ridiculousness

I keep reliving it over and over in my head

I know it doesn't seem like that big of a deal but it is to me

My mom used to do shit like that to me all the time so it pulled up all those feelings

On top of that it proves how selfish my mother in law is

How can you not feel sorry?

Maybe that relationship is not worth working on