At the moment I am feeling sad. I have been doing very well lately with not letting myself being overwhelmed with sadness. But I feel like it would help to write it out here.
I am feeling sad because I feel like I missed out on both of my kids babyhood. I just bought the month stickers for my best friend and I teared up because I didn't do that. I could not take pictures every month of either of my kids. I never take pics of them. I know I am a good mom but I wish I had that to remember. I miss them as babies so much. I adore them now but I miss the other.
And I am also feeling sad because I hurt/am hurting someone I love very much. My cousin. My cousin is getting married and I am not going to her wedding. Partly because its a destination wedding and there is no way we can afford to go anywhere. But that is not the only reason. I am not going to explain on here why but she knows. And it hurts her. There is nothing I can do to make it better.
I feel sick. It hurts me when I hurt others.
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