I've been busy

I have been so busy.

Sean and I had our 5th anniversary. I can't believe we've been married 5 years. I am so happy we met that sunday in november.

The little boy is doing so good. He had his 2 month check up. He weighs almost 14 pounds. He is HUGE. I love him so much. He smiles now....quite a lot. And this morning he giggled. The cutest sound.

The little girl is not doing good. My poor baby has the poops. Yesterday she puked in her bed and today she crapped in it. EVERYWHERE. I had to toss her in the bathtub. But shes ok. She cracks me up all the time. I love her so much. She is the best. At the Dr. today she kept saying NOO and shaking her head. She hates that place.

I am sad that I wont be having anymore babies. But it's better because I can be a better mom to 2 babies than 3. And if I had another baby it would be the devil.

I love being a mom

1-12-10 ROCKED

Guess what the little turd did come early. The day after my last post in fact. I was babysitting my niece and I guess running after her and Carmen did it. After she left I was trying to just lay around and relax and not cry but I was so miserable. I was sitting in the recliner thinking I WANT TO HAVE THIS BABY TODAY. Then I started having (TMI ALERT) the squirts and throwing up and I thought "hmm maybe all these contractions are doing something" I wasn't timing them because I didn't want to get my hopes up. I called Sean at work and told him " Um I think I am in labor" I told him not to leave work early or anything because labor takes forever but we called his mom so she could stay with Carmen and went in to the hospital. Sure enough I was 4 and a half centimeters. I was halfway there! If I wasn't so afraid of blowing out my vagina I could have done it on my own. And they said we are going to get him out within the hour.......and they did.


He is so cute! He was 9.2 but I think that if he hadn't peed on the Dr. and 2 nurses before they weighed him he would have at least been the same as his sister. He looks like a Melin boy. Blue eyes and all. He is so good and calm but he does have a temper. He loves to snuggle. He sleeps GREAT (for now). His head was 15 centimeters. I really wouldn't have been able to use my vagina again after pushing that out. I am really blessed. He is healthy and sweet and Carmen loves him. I cannot believe that I have 2 amazingly well behaved children (so far) but I am sure they will make up for it when they turn 12. Only 11 good more years to go.


I got to hold him first. In the OR they gave him to me first and then they gave him to me in recovery. I got to feed him in the first hour after he was born. This hospital experience was completely different than Carmens. My nurses were wonderful. And they all loved my baby. The only problems I has were 1. I couldn't sleep at all the first night so I was really uncomfortable the next day and 2. the narcotic they gave me made me SO SLEEPY I had to stop taking it. But I am in so much less pain this time that it didn't really matter. I could keep going for days but I am going to sit on the couch and stare at my baby for a while.

My Vagina Has A Cold

Or a sinus infection. Thats what it feels like anyway. I have so much snot coming out of there. And I am getting a cold or sinus infection in my nose and throat too. I am so pathetic. I cried when Sean had to leave for work today. I have been getting more and more depressed the last 2 weeks. I am hoping that it means that I will go into labor on my own sooner than the 21 which is when the CS is scheduled for. Today I had a size scan for the baby and he is so big he is off the charts. They couldn't tell me what weight range he was in. I am so glad I am not going to blow out my vagina with him. I don't think I could ever use it again. Only 10 days until I get to hold the little bastard. I cannot wait. Why do I call the kid a bastard you ask? Because he is trying to punch his way out all day long. And he LOVES to scare me into thinking he has died in there. Just when I can't take it anymore and am about to call my Dr, Kick Kick. Haha Mommy just kidding. I am still here and alive. He wont move for hours and then all the sudden he wants out NOW. I think this is probably part of my hormonal surges right now. I am going nuts.

Everything all at once

I am so excited! I am starting to lose my mucus plug! I know its GROSS. It looks like I blew my nose through my vagina every time I pee. I love telling Sean stuff like that because he ALWAYS gives me way too much information. He makes me want to gag all the time. Anyway.....I have been so busy and tired the last 4 weeks. I had to go to labor and delivery one night because I was having regular contractions and they were getting more painful. I got a shot of trabutaline and a narcotic. It felt WEIRD. The trabutline makes you super shaky and makes your heart race. The narcotic made me so sleepy. So my heart was racing and I could barely keep my eyes open. It was odd.

Carmen is sick AGAIN. It seems like every other week she gets sick. She threw up ALL OVER EVERYTHING last night. Sean the living room floor the kitchen floor my pillow.... it was so sad. And she is feeling better today but she is still pretty pathetic. And wont stop complaining. She kept us up ALL night.


We sold Seans car yesterday and I fell so much better and less trashy already.


I am so huge (well the baby really I have only gained 5 pounds so far) I should win an award of some kind. I really look like I am having twins. And I have a week and a half to go. We are having the CS on the 21 of jan. I am so excited and happy. I can't wait to see the little guy and hold him.


I am running out of steam because of not getting any sleep last night so Later

I have been thinking all week of stuff to blog about and now I can't remember a single thing.

Oh I remember now. I found out last week that another one of my twins ex-boyfriends parents wanted their son to date me and that they could not stand her from the very beginning. His mom told him "are you going to be able to stand listening to that voice every day for the rest of your life" and his dad said "that little Amber made her way right into my heart why dont you date her" HAHAHAHAHAHA. She always was telling me how people didn't like me, that they liked her much better. But the truth is no one liked her, they ALL liked me better.

But my bf was saying that it just took my twin a lot longer to grow up than it does most people. I am not sure thats really true. I have no reason to believe that she has changed at all. As far as I can tell she is exactly the same, she just hides it a little better. But I can still see it. I deeply hope that one day she will change but until then I can't be around her. I can't be close to her. And it breaks my heart. I saw the picture of us together at the hospital when we were born, I cried.....Hard. I know that we were close at one time and I love her so much. I wish things were different. I miss her, the real her the one we haven't seen in so long that I forget she was ever there.

Ok I am going to talk about Carmen now because I am getting really sad thinking about my twin. Lately when I put Carmen down for a nap when I walk out of the room she waves me out. LOL. It cracks me up. She is starting to walk at least 50% of the time. It is so cute to see her toddling around. She can communicate with words or signs but she chooses not to most of the time. It is funny. I love her so much.

The little boy it 4 weeks and 5 days away from making his appearance. I am doing great. My BP went down so its normal again. I have not gained weight in 2 months YAHOO. I was told walking is just fine so I am trying to exercise again and its helping with the slight swelling I have.

Ok I am done for now. I need more coffee. I miss caffeine alot.

Bad day

I am feeling really depressed today. My best friends grandpa died yesterday. My heart is broken for her and the family and I can't believe hes gone.

Vent

I have been feeling extremely tired physically and slightly depressed. The Zoloft is helping but I am still sadder than I wish. I am super emotional. I am not sure if that is from the pregnancy or the zoloft regulating my hormones (or whatever it does) but I have been crying A LOT. I've already cried like 3 times today. I feel bad because I feel like I am being a bad mom. All I can really do is sit on the couch at this point. I am barely keeping up with the basic necessity's around the house. I am only able to cook about once or twice a week. I should be able to do more. I am being a bad wife. As soon as Sean gets home I am like what are you doing for dinner, can you wash the dishes. But I cant do it right now. I get out of breath walking to the bathroom.

Not to mention that I feel so guilty about this pregnancy. I have not taken my prenatals because they made me throw up every time. And I am unhealthy and now its affecting the baby. My blood pressure wont stay down. And that makes me SUPER upset. And I just want to nap. I need sleep so bad but I cant sleep in or take naps because of Carmen. I can't leave her crying in her crib for hours just so I can sleep.

Before I used to feel so emotionally exhausted that I couldn't get stuff done but now I feel so physically exhausted that I can barely move. and that makes me depressed.