Why I love thanks giving

I just remembered that this was about the time that I met my Teddy Bear 5 years ago. It was the weekend before Thanks Giving. We met on Sunday and I flirted like never before and the rest is history. I fell in love with him at first sight and I love him more and more every day. I am so happy I found him.

My Baby is SO funny

I have to post this before I forget about it. The other day I was changing Carmens diaper and she was crying because she had a mild diaper rash so I said "It's ok baby I am going to put some goo on your bottom and it will feel so much better" so I did. When I was done I said "isn't that better baby" and she shook her head no. I think its so funny when she shakes her head to tell me what she wants but that time it really got me. "See all better" says I and she says NO ITS NOT MOTHER. It's like every day she grows up a tiny bit more.

What a ride

Yesterday was a roller coaster. Good Bad Good Bad.......

Bad: It started with Carmen being sick so she didn't sleep good which means I didn't either.

Good: Then when Andria came to watch Carmen while I went to the Dr. she gave me a beautiful bracelet that says "A sister is a forever friend". I got all teary.

Good: Then I had a Dr. Appt that went GREAT! I do not have GD I did not gain any weight the last three weeks (YOOHOO) and my BP was really good 120/66. And I found out that at my next appt I will start having weekly NSTs to make sure I am not contracting. I love those. I get to sit in a comfy recliner ( I have been wanting to get one of those really ugly but ridiculously comfortable lazy boy recliners because I am getting pretty uncomfortable lately) and listen to Louis's heart beat for 30 mins. Can it get any better than that?

Bad: But then I had to get a shot. Those suck. It made my arm really tingley and they made me stay about 15 minutes later than I should have had to. I hate getting shots. I can always feel the chemical in my arm for hours.

Uncomfortable: Then I could only get Carmen to nap while I was holding her so I put her in the snugli and held her for about 3 hours. Its kind of hard to do it because it puts her right on my belly which is getting really big and the pressure hurts. And she kept waking up about every 20 minutes and she would start fussing and crying so I had to keep rocking her and jiggleing her. That was kind of good because I love holding her and watching her sleep. Shes so pretty.

Bad: Then I started having contractions. I don't think they were bad ones but it did keep going for about an hour and a half. And they were pretty close together. It freaked me out and I had to call Andria to calm me down. I did not want to go to the ER. But it finally stopped.

I am really tired because I am 7 months pregnant (today) and because I could not sleep good the last 2 nights because Carmen kept waking up crying. I have about 9 weeks to go. I am so excited! I keep going back and forth between being terrified about this huge change in life we are about to make and being so happy and excited I just want to cry. I am super emotional right now. I have been crying almost every day this week. I am doing alot better since I started taking zoloft. I can even deal with MIL better. Although she really pissed me off this weekend. I will save that for a MIL post later. I have to do some work now so Later.

I was not cheated

So far this pregnancy has been great. The only things I have had a hard time with is the usual worry " what if he doesn't make it" "what if hes the devil" and " I wish I could blow out my vagina instead of having to have another C-Section". But today I was reading my feeds and I read This post by Trish about her adorable baby boy Robbie who was born at 26 weeks. She didn't get to hold him for 5 days. And she didn't get to take him home for 96 days. With Carmen I didn't get to see her again (after they pulled her from my belly) for 11 hours, it was torture. I could not stop crying. The nurses kept coming in and saying you have to stop crying. Sean thought something was wrong with me because my eyes were almost swollen shut. And my BP would not go back to normal. But as soon as they brought her to me......it was like a scene from the movies. The nurse who brought her was saying "do you know how to change her diaper...blah blah blah" I said "Give me MY BABY" and it was the most wonderful thing in the world.

Can you hear the angels singing when you look at this pic? Anyway after reading Trish's post I don't feel cheated. Thank you Trish. I don't care at all that I don't get to blow out my vagina. I am happy that I am getting a baby and that's all that matters. Hopefully I wont have to wait 11 hours to hold him but if I do I can remember that I will get him after a short while and that I can keep him.

The Chuck Wagon Cookoff

So we went on a mini vacation last weekend to the hill country. There was an old fashioned chuck wagon cook off and some friends were participating so we went for a little while. It was fun, they had a live band and it was at a park on the river.

It was sunny and Carmen actually kept her sun glasses on. I was wishing I had brought her boots. LOL I asked Sean to take some pics so I could blog about this (I enjoyed it alot) and this was the only usable picture. He didnt get one of the chuck wagon and it was cool. It was an authentic chuck wagon and they had to decorate it with authentic items like guns and a quilt. Some had bottles and flags. Oh well

I am having a bad day today. I am so sad about my Opa. He is the only Grandpa I really have. My moms dad is mentally ill but doesn't admit it. My Opa is in a crappy nursing home to die. He is on morphine now because he is in so much pain. I believe the pain is caused by his body slowly shutting down and the toxins building up. I don't think he will last a month. I saw him yesterday and he looked better than the 2 times I had seen him before but then I heard that he was on morphine and that explained it. I hate that the last memories I have of him will be this but at least he is still there. He knows I am 5 months preggo and the Baby's name is going to be Louis Michael. But I am so sad to see my Opa this way. Death is so unnatural. Even though I know why I still think WHY. It hurts so bad. We are not supposed to lose people we love. We are not supposed to watch them die slowly and in pain. Its not supposed to happen. We are supposed to live forever in perfection and be young and healthy. I wish I could lay in bed for a few weeks until my heart feels better but it suck because life goes on. I can't stop living for a little while I have to keep going. I am just tired right now. And sad. Even eating is not making me feel better. But it's ok because I have a Dr. appt for the 6th to get depression medication. And probably I will feel better because I can cry now. Some times I cant cry. But you need that release. I am going to take a shower and go to bed

Good night

The worst mom ever

So today I won the bad mom award for the day. I was so tired I could not get out of bed. Carmen was waking up and fussing but then she would go back to sleep so I just left her. About an hour later she finally did the I am NOT going back to sleep cry. So I went in to get her. She was standing up in her crib and when she saw me she sat down like FINALLY. But when I got to her there was poo all over her and her bed. Alot of it. And I saw it because she was pointing to it. Thats right. I left my sweet beautiful little baby sitting in poo for an hour. And she was calmly telling me about it.

Later on I fed her breakfast and I swear that she turned to me and said All done. And she was. She is so cool. I love her so much. I cannot wait until baby Louis is born.