Sadness

10 Years ago today, My great-grandmother died. She was 98 and the most wonderful woman. I have always wished that I had her wisdom. I still miss her a lot. A LOT. 

The day she died, my twin and roommate were out of town so I was home alone. My uncle called me and said that Granny was in the hospital and she had had a heart attack. I was putting on my lipstick when he called back and said that she had had another and died instantly. He asked me to call my mom and sisters. I hung up the phone and burst into tears. I was walking into the kitchen and when I passed the front door, I saw someone was there. So as I walked by I just opened it without stopping. It turned out to be my friend Tom, thank goodness. He said "Amber, what happened" so I told him. He asked if there was anything he could do. And I started lauging because my roommates dog had broken a water pipe outside and we had to turn the water off. So I was laughing and crying at the same time. He is a good friend and he fixed it for me. 

From there the rest is a bit fuzzy. I went to the hospital to be with my family and we ended up at grannys house. In her fire safe lock box among the documents and whatever else she had in there, She had written notes to her 2 children telling them she loved them more than they would ever know. I still tear up whenever I think about it. 

The next thing I remember clearly is the viewing. I knew I didn't want to see her but everyone kept telling me that she looked so peaceful. What they failed to mention is that she looked dead too. So I went in to see her and couldn't handle it. I was in the entry of the funeral home on a couch crying for the rest of the time I was there. When my older sister came I told her not to go in there but people were telling her the same thing, that granny looked so peaceful. So she went in and right away she came out crying. She kept saying it wasn't right, that there should not have been a viewing. 

The rest is a blur. 

I really miss her. I would have named Carmen after her but I don't like the name Pearl. Its just not for me. 

I am going to call my grandmother

And I am going to hold my children. 

And I am not going to be sad today